It might be too much to say running saved my life. I know it has been a literal lifesaver for many runners out there. For me, it is enough to say that running gave me the life I have.
It helped forge me into the person I am.
It has made me resilient.
It has made me strong.
It has made me appreciate failure.
It has made me brave.
It has made me compassionate.
It has made me analytical.
It has made me prioritize.
It has made me face truths.
It has made me more sociable.
It has made me determined.
It has made me focused.
It has made me grateful.
It has made me insightful.
It has made me humble.
It has made me joyful.
Running changed the way I think and helped me shed societal expectations for my body.
Running showed me over and over what I am capable of.
Running gave meaning to the corny cliches about pressure and diamonds and self-determination.
Running did not save my life, but I would not be who I am today without it, and I love what it has helped shape me into.
As I write this, on the eve of surgery, I am looking back at old posts and remembering why I am doing this. Why it's worth it. I will never be a competitive, elite runner, but I am not whole without running. I am not truly myself without it.
Last week, I was getting cold feet about the surgery. I've been numb the past couple months, as this process has dragged on. I wondered, Do I even miss running enough to undergo surgery to get it back?
This week, I know. I have not felt like myself since February, when my running had to be drastically cut back. I have felt strangely hollow and half-there. I am ready to feel alive again.
I am so ready.