But, I'm a coward and was scared to give voice to this because a major part of having more independence in fitness meant letting Elizabeth down. She has been such an amazing support through this entire process, and she's my bff. I felt terrible telling her that I wanted to be able to focus on what I want and what my body wants. I felt bad telling her that I didn't want to run every run with her.
Of course, Elizabeth is amazing and knows me way too well. Back in January, before my first run back, she texted me this:
|Apparently I am incredibly transparent and she reads me like a book.|
Later that month, we went to the gym and I told her that I had done a lot of thinking and wanted to be able to work out together two or three times a week, but that I also needed to have days when I could workout alone. She was really receptive to this (of course!) and we kind of discussed what that might look like. That's why my runs lately have been a nice mixture of alone/with Matt/with Elizabeth. It's been perfect.
Solo runs give me a chance to focus on my body and how things are going, get some alone-time, listen to music, and do whatever I want. They are incredibly important to me, and I appreciate them more than ever now.
Running with Matt offers a lot of the same, because we rarely talk during runs or even run side-by-side, but it also gives me a nice support system when I'm feeling uncertain or self-conscious. Plus, we're both so busy lately that running together gives us some good couple-time.
|Matt's photography skills (and his willingness to be my own personal paparazzi) are an added bonus to running with him.|
I started coaching track and field in February, but once my schedule clears up a bit, this is what workouts will probably look like:
|I hope to be back to running 3-4 times a week by mid-April.|
This whole thing had been a big source of stress for me because I overthink everything and didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but now that I know I'll have plenty of alone time mixed in with buddy-time, I feel so much better. Already I've seen that my workouts have really benefited from having the freedom to do my own thing, and now I feel much more comfortable telling Elizabeth or Matt that I want to run alone.
I am looking forward to every workout these days; everything feels new and exciting again. I hope this excitement lasts, and when it inevitably begins to fade, I hope the memory of a year of nothing and how awful that felt helps give me a kick in the pants!